Check out Episode 41 with Elly Liao about creating more balance and fulfillment in life. Elly is an eternal optimist and advocate for spreading love and kindness throughout our world. With a belief in the transformative power of love, balance, and purpose, she guides individuals towards happier, more fulfilled lives, both personally and professionally. Growing up as a 1st generation Taiwanese-American in the South, Elly's early experiences in her family's restaurant instilled a strong work ethic that shapes her coaching today. Now based in sunny Jacksonville, FL, she serves clients nationwide and internationally as a Board Certified Coach through her company "ENSPIRd". A perpetual learner and self-development enthusiast, Elly is passionate about diving into meaningful conversations, devouring new insights from self-development books, and being in the Toastmasters Club. Enjoy Elly's story of growth and grit!
Intro: Welcome to the grit.org Podcast with Colby Harris and Brian Harbin!
In these episodes, they speak to top achievers in athletics and business to understand the habits and mindset they apply in order to build more grit.
[I can. I can. I will. I will. I'm going to. I'm going to.]
Colby Harris: Welcome back to the grit.org Podcast!
My name is Colby Harris. Alongside is the grit man himself, Brian Harbin. And we are here with today's guest, Elly Liao Warren.
Elly, thank you so much for being here!
Elly Liao: Thank you so much for having me! It's an honor and a privilege to be here today!
Colby Harris: Well, it's always fun to get someone in that we have a prior friendship with that we've known. We met Elly last year through the Toastmasters group here in San Marco, Jacksonville. Her and her husband Bob have just been awesome, very pivotal and impactful within what we do here at grit.org supporters of Grit camp.
So, Elly, thank you again for taking the time to be here!
Just go ahead and tell us a little bit about what you do so that people can kind of get an inside look before we keep rolling.
Elly Liao: Yeah, of course. So again, my name is Elly, and I have a life coaching organization, a heart centered life coaching organization where I help clients create more balance, more happiness and more fulfillment.
Colby Harris: And I could use all three of those things every day.
Elly Liao: Come on in. You're always welcome!
Colby Harris: Oh, this is going to be a fun one. I'm already really excited. It's always a good time when we get someone on that's talking the way you are about, like, I help people be happier. It's like, well, all of our listeners could definitely use that.
So go ahead and kick it off Elly, by telling us a little bit about your upbringing. You're a first generation Taiwanese American born in Georgia and raised in Florida. How do you think that background shaped who you are today?
Elly Liao: That's a really great question. I think it might be important to go back a little bit. Be before Elly, my great aunt was the first in our family to move here from Taiwan to Tallahassee, and she opened the first Chinese restaurant in Tallahassee in 1969. It got really busy. She phoned up my grandma, which is her sister, and she said, hey, can you help? It's getting really busy right now. And my family doesn't really talk about the details to it much. I found this out pretty recently.
But I gauge that this opportunity to move from Taiwan to Tallahassee was a better opportunity and a way to provide for her family, for their family. So my grandmother has four kids. At that time. They were between 12 and 19. Could you imagine leaving? She left her kids and her husband to come to the states to work for my great aunt in Tallahassee, like I mentioned.
Could you imagine leaving your family, Brian? You have kids to go to another country and not see them, one of them, for seven years or eight years, and just send money back home. And for you, if your mom left when you were 12 and you didn't see her until you were 19, she went to another country, she sent you back money here and there every month.
Brian Harbin: It's a huge sacrifice.
Elly Liao: Yeah, yeah. But it made me very – It shaped who I was, who I am, because it made me appreciative for the sacrifice, I don't think, because I didn't know a lot of it too. And as a kid, I don't think you're as grateful and appreciative and aware as you are when you get into adulthood. But it made me appreciative of the sacrifices they made.
And my dad moved here in 1982. He started off as a dishwasher for my aunt in Tallahassee and then opened his first restaurant in Valdosta, Georgia, then went to his prime. At his prime, he had over ten restaurants, owned over ten restaurants. And then he was a commissioner or ambassador to Taiwan for Florida. And that's something that's appointed by the Taiwanese president.
So all of that to say that they taught me a lot of grit and they taught, and I'm so appreciative of the sacrifice. And then growing up, it was very different because they were so busy working and providing for us. So we didn't know a lot of the cultural differences between the four walls within our home and then outside. As an example, a short example, the tooth fairy. Have you ever heard of the tooth fairy?
Colby Harris: Once or twice.
Elly Liao: Okay. Apparently he comes, I heard from kids at school. Apparently he comes and leaves money for the kids under the pillow. And I thought, well, that includes me. I'm a kid, I have a loose tooth. So I tried it one time and I was excited when I woke up the next morning. And then I flipped over the pillow and I'm like, oh, my tooth is still there. And I tried it a couple of times and it didn't work.
But those things were very different. And the food that we ate was different. Right? My grandma would cook food for school because that's her way of showing love. And then everybody would make fun of me for smelling up the cafeteria. Oh, it's just interesting, right? Like, the difference is I didn't know why I was being made fun of. I'm like, this is really good food.
Colby Harris: Kids are so oblivious to the States.
Elly Liao: Yeah. But, you know, that's how it was kind of growing up. And I was one of two Asians in my high school. The other one…
Colby Harris: Is this in Valdosta, by the way?
Elly Liao: This is in Leesburg. Yeah, I grew up in Leesburg, Florida. It's a small little town there. But, the other one was my brother. So there wasn't that much diversity per se, too, in the town and getting made fun of once in a while for just looking different. And I felt different, too. Not only did I look different, but I just felt like, I don't know, just a little bit different.
But it made me appreciate. Now I love gravitating. I felt alone at certain points, and it makes me gravitate towards, when we're at a party, the one or two people who are alone and just standing there by themselves, I am gravitated toward them and talk to them because I feel like I know how they feel and don't want them to feel alone.
Brian Harbin: You can relate to that discomfort.
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Brian Harbin: So did you grow up working and you grew up working in the restaurant? Tell us about kind of your experience with that.
Elly Liao: Yeah. First, I think every child, or, sorry, every teenager should have to work in the restaurant business. I mean, there's so many benefits to it. Not only does it teach work ethic, and with my family seeing them day in and day out work so hard, I mean, my dad would literally, I'd see him leave about 07:00, sometimes he'd drop me off at school, and then he'd come seven in the morning, and he wouldn't come back till 11:00 p.m. every day. It wasn't just five days a week.
I mean, I think we're more in a culture right now of balance, and that's what I work on, too, which has kind of led to that balance, because I've worked a lot, but it taught me work ethic, it taught me customer service, kind of dealing with different personalities, and then it taught me teamwork.
But with my family watching them. Have you ever heard the mantra, the quote, work hard, play hard. Okay. I think an immigrant's mantra, or at least my family's mantra, was work hard, work harder. And that's what I saw. Yeah. Because that's what they knew, and that's, and they were just providing and really trying to provide the best life financially and providing enough things for our family.
Colby Harris: Yeah. And I think, you know, conversations like this have been one of the coolest things about being on the podcast is like, I can take these stories to people that are like, you know, in different scenarios where they have so much to be grateful for at a young age, and you just can't. You don't have that perspective.
And I love sharing stories like this, like we've had, I think now we just did. Do you know uncho of haymaker coffee in Jacksonville? He's a first generation immigrant, and he created a coffee company with two other first generation immigrants. Like, a big conversation we had throughout it, and same. Everything you just said was exactly the same thing. But no, I love just hearing it from you just to continue, like, anyone listening, it's just not the life story for everyone.
So it's like remembering all the things that the people do to get you to where you are today. I always say it's a responsibility for me to go out and have that same mentality of, like, work hard. Well, right now, yeah, do work hard, and then work harder. Think about everything that someone's done for you. So leading into working through the high school years, working at the restaurant, you did go to University of North Florida and study criminology.
Tell me a little bit more about making that decision and then your time at Florida.
Elly Liao: Yeah, of course. Yeah. I went to the University of Florida, and it was interesting because I think, like most. Well, most asian families strongly encourage you to be a doctor, a lawyer, a pharmacist. And thankfully, my parents didn't strongly encourage me to do anything. But I heard a lot, be a doctor, be a lawyer, be a pharmacist.
So when I first went into UF, I didn't really know what I was going to do. I think sometimes you think you need to have it all figured out. But I started with pharmacy. I thought, okay, maybe I'll try pharmacy. I took biology and chemistry courses. They kicked my b***, both of them. Biology specifically. I would have flunked out, but I dropped out before they could flunk me out. But it was a nice. It was a moment to step back and think, well, what am I good at?
And I thought back to when I was a kid, and I really wanted to be a cop. Yeah. And I really wanted to be in the FBI. Those are the two things. Because I was always so curious about people and loved helping people. So I thought, okay, criminology aligns with that in the closest way of all of the degrees that there were at the time. So I went that criminology route. That's how I ended up getting into that.
Brian Harbin: It's interesting! And my sister read all the Nancy Drew books. You know, she was, you know, the. So I was curious, though, with the restaurant, working in the restaurant, did you make the decision early on that that was something you had no interest in, or how did your parents, did they want you to not be in the family business, or how did you kind of make that decision of just saying, closing that door, saying, hey, I definitely don't want to be in the restaurant business? Or was that a conversation you kind of had with yourself?
Elly Liao: Yeah, I think, thinking about it, I love the restaurant business because I had been doing it for so long, too, but my parents, my dad specifically, especially later on in my life, said that he would disown me if I got into the restaurant business. Typically, that's the opposite of what parents might say if they have the restaurant, the family business. But I think he knew how much work and time and maybe a little bit, it got him a little bit out of balance. He never complained, though, and so he didn't want that for us. But it's funny.
Now, my brother owns two restaurants and one boba shop in Orlando, so it's just interesting to see that dynamic shift. But, yeah, it wasn't a – I don't think there was a moment where I said I wasn't getting into it, but I thought, okay, the next step after high school is college. And I would come back every week or every other. Sorry, every weekend or every other weekend to help at the restaurant, too. So I was still kind of supporting that and enjoying it. It was kind of my element, but I didn't think too much about it. I just, I worked at the restaurant. I helped and supported in that way.
Brian Harbin: Yeah.
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Brian Harbin: And so, you know, you get your degree in criminology. Right? And so tell us about kind of that decision about what to do with that next and kind of the progression afterwards.
Elly Liao: Yeah. So I think going back to when I started pharmacy, too, and I almost flunked out when I got into criminology, I found it to be so natural, and the classes were easier. I understood them more, and I A's, I think I got straight A's for five semesters after almost flunking out of biology. It really taught me to think. Okay, well, that aligns with me. I don't think I thought that at the moment, but looking back, that aligned with who I was and my natural talents or gifts.
But sometimes we don't take the time to listen to those quiet whispers because there's everybody else telling us what to do. So that's kind of how I ended up getting into criminology and then leading into life coaching. Yeah.
Colby Harris:
And so tell us a little bit about what really inspired that that day, though, that you decided or, well, usually decisions like this don't happen, but at what point did you start thinking about launching inspired and walk us through that process, because, you know, it was funny when you were talking about, you know, like, you go to high school and then you work in the family business and then you go to college, but nobody tells you what to do after that.
Elly Liao: That’s true.
Colby Harris: They're going to give you the piece of paper that you earned for the last, you know, 16 years of education. But after that boom, you're on your own. So tell us a little bit about what led you to launching inspired.
Elly Liao: Yeah, I think first, sometimes, like you mentioned, people think it's like from point a to b, if someone goes from point a to b, it's just this really straight line. But there are so many in my instance, and I think in many instances, there's so many twists and turns that lead you to the destination. And I'm still on a journey, too.
But from criminology, I got into loss prevention. And loss prevention is catching shoplifters interviewing them and professional shoplifters, I would find out where they were taking the goods that they stole and find the bigger fish per se. So, but it was hard to get into loss prevention because I had this degree, like you said, and they don't, people don't tell you what to do after your degree. Here's my piece of paper. What do I do with it?
And I started looking for jobs in loss prevention. Nobody would give me a job. They closed the door on me the moment I said, the moment they asked, what experience do you have? And I said, I don't have any experience in loss prevention. But, so after about ten times, twelve times of getting the door shut, I thought, well, what can I do differently?
So I started calling retailers back and saying, hey, I don't have any experience, but I'm really passionate about loss prevention, and I will volunteer. If you have a position, I will volunteer. I will work for free for you just to prove that I can do it and show you that I can do it.
And I ended up landing a job in loss prevention and loved it. I loved it so much. And I think it was aligned, too, to that cop and FBI serving people and being curious about people. Then I got into sales and sales. Washington was super interesting, too. I loved it. There were so many elements that were very similar if I look back at it. Right?
But in retail, when I was working retail loss prevention. I was working about 60 hours a week, and in sales, I was working 40 hours. So I was a little bit unbalanced when I was working in retail loss prevention.
So when I worked and started sales, I thought, I have these 20 extra hours that I'd never had before, and I literally treated them as gold. I started really focusing and honing in on my self development. I joined Toastmasters and started to go consistently. I joined before then, but I was too scared, first of all, and I didn't have the time, but I started to go consistently. And my manager really supported that because it that helps in sales, too.
And so really worked and honed, focused on personal development. Pandemic hit, right? 2020, the world shuts down, right? And you can't go anywhere. It's just you stuck with your thoughts. And then along with that, there was a lot of chaos going on in the world, right? There was just so much going on and heartbreak, and it just broke my heart to hear, you know, people in isolation, people struggling.
So probably for a week, every morning, I cried because I just felt that almost sadness that people were going through. And Bob was like, are you okay? He's thinking he did something wrong. But I felt that sadness each, every morning for, like, seven days and straight. I need to do something. I feel like there's something more that I can give. While I loved sales and I loved loss prevention, there's something deeper and more meaningful that I needed to serve.
So with Bob's support, he really encouraged me to do that. But it was still hard to leave. I was working in sales. I was doing well. I enjoyed it. I was making six figures, but I wasn't truly happy right inside, like, my purpose, there was something missing. So I took that step to, that's when I kind of took that step to say, hey, I'm going to start inspired. And it took me about six to eight months after I started thinking about it to actually leave. It was a sense of security.
And I think that sometimes, and over the years, when I look back on it, happiness, right? I thought I could get happiness from a promotion. I thought I could get happiness from a new car. I thought I could get happiness from making six figures. But how long did that happiness last? It was very fleeting, right? It was super fleeting. So it led me to, that's how it led me to life coaching and starting inspired.
Brian Harbin: I wanted to ask and unpack a little bit more about, like, the process of, okay, you were in sales. You know, there's monumental event worldwide event happens and you felt kind of this discomfort, uneasiness, confusion, probably a little bit of not knowing. How did you process all of that and come to figure out that inspired was going to be, you know, your true purpose? Tell us a little bit about that process and how you got to that point.
Elly Liao: Yeah, I think since we couldn't go out, it was just me and my thoughts and like I mentioned and I thought, I think a lot of times we get so busy being busy. Yes, I was working 60 hours before and I cut down to 20 hours, but I was filling it with other things when I, intentionally or unintentionally, I couldn't go anywhere else. It left me with my thoughts and to reflect on what I truly enjoyed and what I truly loved. Personal development things throughout those years before that, Tony Robbins, he's a big influence for me and has helped me, helped shape me in my journey and also into becoming a life coach and serving people now.
But I think I thought back to, so going back even longer than that. Twelve years old, I started my first self development book. I started reading my first self development book called I can't remember what it's called, but it was about how to communicate people. And it was, I was an introvert at that time.
And I don't remember the details about any, any of it, except one point to ask questions and be curious. And that sparked my curiosity for people and then liking to help people. So I thought back, well, what do I, what do I like and what has helped me in the past before, right. So I read a lot of books and they were super helpful, but they also weren't helping me get to all of the results that I wanted. And so when life coaching got in the picture, then that helped me take action. That helped me consolidate decades into days. Right? It helped me utilize others tools and strategies specifically focused to me.
And so I thought, well, I've gained so much from life coaching and I enjoy helping people. So that was kind of my thoughts into just doing some deep reflecting and just thinking, well, what truly do I want to do and what will bring me a sense of purpose and. Yeah.
Colby Harris: Oh, no, go ahead.
Elly Liao: Yeah, no, no. And so it was that serving people and helping people that I, that came to the core of it. But I think all of those elements, the loss prevention, the sales, sometimes people think, well, I spent five years doing something that was completely not related, but in most cases they are related and they help build a strong foundation and they help build competence in different areas to make you confident, to help you be confident in what you do in the future.
Colby Harris: Because you're the product at the end of the day, that's what I always say to people, figuring it out. I'm like, at the end of the day, you're the product. That job doesn't work out well, guess what? They trained you for six weeks. How to do sales. Rockstar. Cause what I wanna ask next, is it being in a people centric business, right? Like we are as well. It's one of the hardest things ever, right, to, like, deliver your product. Cause then at the end of the day, it falls back on them of, like, are they gonna absorb it? Are they gonna apply it?
Elly Liao: Yes.
Colby Harris: So what I wanna ask you is tell us a little bit more about that journey into the entrepreneur lifestyle, you know, and having to build your business and just throwing yourself in the fire, especially in a very people centric business where, you know, your results ultimately, you know, and their results. But of course, it just falls back on them at the end of the day. So tell us a little bit more about that. Launching the business and just doing the dirty work to get it going.
Elly Liao: Yeah. Well, first, the word entrepreneur can have a sense of glamor to it, right? It can seem so, so glamorous. But when I first started, it was so scary. I mean, there's so many details and intricacies, as you know, that they don't give you a book for it. Right? You kind of just. You have to figure it out. So anything from setting up the business behind the scenes accounting, to what the message that you want to deliver. What I wanted to deliver was what I could help, help serve people.
And like you said, help keep people get results. Right? Help people see tangible results. That was something that was near and dear to my heart, because if people aren't seeing those results, then they don't think they're making progress. Right? Even though they might be. But a lot of times, we need to visually see that progress.
So I have a system now, but it took a while to do that and to get the certifications and the knowledge to. I feel like I've always been a lifelong learner, so that's helped. Like, reading self development psychology books, always curious about people. So those all combined just have helped me do what I do now. But it was a challenge because I think that if you run into hurdles, there's a lot of hurdles being an entrepreneur.
And if you don't know that business side or other sides, too, it can try to stop you. Right? Like, there's a lot of moments. There were a lot of moments where I'm like, like, is this, you know, I questioned, like, is it, is this the right, did I make the right decision? But I think that calling inside me was so much bigger.
And I think that that's very important, too, having a strong why to get you through those moments. And that's what we help clients with, too, making sure that there's a strong why behind what they, what they do. Right? It's not just I want to reach a goal. Well, why? Why do you want to reach it? And because there are going to be challenges. Kind of like, if you're driving, I like this example because it's visual, but if you're driving and you're on your way to work and there's a roadblock, what do you do? Do you just stop there and just not go anywhere and say, hey, well, I guess I can't go to work.
Colby Harris: Find a new route.
Elly Liao: Exactly. So find a new route. We don't. But there were so many times before this that I didn't, I didn't find a new route. I thought it was failure. I looked at it as failure as opposed to thinking, okay, maybe this is just a learning. Maybe this is just a way that I can just go another scenic route.
And so there were moments where I had to almost kind of reflect on what I was doing, because I think we can, we can get in a cycle sometimes when we feel stuck in certain moments, whether it's in the entrepreneurial world, in our relationships, finances, other areas, there's areas where we can get stuck and then create negative energy and be in a negative, energetic state. But where does that go? It brings our energetic state lower, and we don't make the decisions we would in a high, energetic state.
So it helped me grow so much, kind of going through that entrepreneurial process and seeing what entrepreneurs work with day in and day out, having that appreciation. I think there was a lot of time spent creating it, so that in the beginning, there was a lot of time spent creating it. And now I have a great process. There's always tweaks. I think I'm a lifelong learner, too, so I'm always going to be tweaking. Like, hey, what can I do better to serve the clients, whether it's processes or strategies or tools? So I'm always thinking like that.
But I think the biggest thing is just not letting the hurdles become complete roadblocks where you don't go anywhere. Finding that detour, finding that detour route, finding a different way to go, the scenic route. And yeah, it might take a little bit more time, but I think in the end it's fulfilling, right? When we can get past those moments because our mind wants to stay in safety. Like, oh, that's scary. I don't want to go there. But in those moments, kind of push forward.
Brian Harbin: And, no, I love all of that. And I'm curious, too, about the process of getting certified. So, like, once you kind of make the decision, become a life coach, I mean, almost like for people that are interested in that, like, where do you even start? I'm guessing there's courses and mentors and things like that along the way.
Tell us. And I'm sure you learned a ton about yourself even as you're learning about this new industry for you, but tell us a bit about that process.
Elly Liao: Yeah, first, I think there's some confusion sometimes around life coaching, what it even is. Right? And especially there's confusion around therapy and life coaching. A lot of times people think, well, is that the same thing? But there is one big difference. There's a few differences, but the biggest difference is therapy is focused on the past. Is focused on the past. Their biggest question is why? Why did this happen? Why did that happen? With life coaching, we are focused on the present and the future. And our biggest question is how? How can we get you to your goals? How can we get you to where you want to be? How can we help you get unstuck?
So, as far as the certifications go. But there's so many different certifications. Actually, with life coaching, you don't have to have a certification, but I felt like I could serve my clients better if I got a little certification and I was board certified. So there's a lot of different certifications. I think there's ICF, international coaching Federation, and I chose to be board certified and go a tad different route.
But I don't think there's a wrong choice. There's so many different options. And like I mentioned, you don't need a certification to be a life coach. But it helped me kind of have extra tools to help my clients.
Colby Harris: I want to ask a follow up to that question for. Cause I've never even answered that question for myself. I just wrote it down to make sure I don't let that slip between the cracks of like, therapy is the why in the past and coaching is how in the future. And I have obviously worked with coaches, but I've also been to therapy. So you've experienced both.
How could someone make that decision? Because I see so many people that kind of, like, they might struggle with the past, but, you know, you could usually, I mean, I hate to say it, but, like, the past is the past, right?
Elly Liao: Right. Yeah.
Colby Harris: How would someone decipher if, like, it's a right fit to, you know, if they've never worked with a coach or therapist?
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Colby Harris: Where do you think someone should start to get help?
Elly Liao: That's a really great question, too. I mean, I think with, like you mentioned, therapy is focused on that past and kind of like the, when you're driving, I have a lot of driving examples, apparently. But when you're looking out the windshield. Right? There's that windshield, and then there's that rear view mirror. Right? We want to, I mean, it's important to look in that rear view mirror. Rear view mirror being therapy, but it's also very important. And the windshield wiper or the windshield is bigger than the, there's a reason why the windshield is bigger. Bigger than the rear view mirror.
And so I think it's important, definitely, if somebody has challenges from the past to spend that time there and maybe look into therapy and then coaching, though, if we want to move closer. I work with clients that might do both. Right? Or have gone through enough therapy, and they're like, I just want to start getting to my goals and I want to look more towards my future and start closing that gap because I feel good.
And so I think it's different for everybody, but just a lot of times I think therapy, too, there might be like a first consultation and with life coaching, too, for us, we have a free discovery, a complimentary discovery session, and we do virtual and in person sessions, either or. But I think whether it's us or somebody else, whether it's a life coach or a therapist, I think there's ways to just see if it's a good fit.
Whether it's like, hey, can I have a quick chat? I think therapy does first consultations, but if they don't, you could say, hey, can I have a quick chat? Just to make sure it's a good fit. Because they'll ask certain questions that will help them understand if it's a good fit for either therapy or life coaching. Or if someone comes to me, we'll typically have that first session fill out a quick form just to kind of understand what their goals are. And if it's not a good fit, I'll let them know. And if it is a good fit, then I'll let them know, too.
Colby Harris: Well, I think, too, with what you just said, and you tell me what you think about this as a coach, like essentially with therapy. Cause a lot of people feel like you almost kind of like you lose yourself through whatever traumatic experience you had. Therapy almost brings you back to figuring out who you are and who that experience made you into. And then coaching is about identifying the desire of where you wanna be and then getting a game plan to execute and go make it happen.
Elly Liao: Exactly, exactly. But with us, we really help on first creating a strong foundation. I think that goes back to everything that we do, because I've learned from working with many clients that that strong foundation is so important. It's kind of like building a foundation to a house. If we don't have a strong foundation to a house, it makes it challenging to weather any storms to build on top of that.
So when I say foundation, it could be mindset, it could be, you know, just thoughts, beliefs, and sometimes limiting thoughts. So we'll kind of work through that and create that strong foundation and then create a customized roadmap for the clients. See where you're at and see. See where exactly you're at and see where exactly you want to go. Because for everybody, it's different, right? It's very, very different.
But with that, we have a holistic approach, right? Holistic meaning natural, but holistic also meaning whole person. Because we believe that every area affects every other area, right? So it's good to look at a big picture to see, hey, where exactly are you at visually and where do you want to be? Are there not a judgment thing, an awareness thing? Right? An awareness thing.
So we can see going back to driving a GPS. Google Maps, right? If you have Google Maps and let's say you're taking a trip to New York, if you just input the destination, okay, I just want to go to New York City and you don't input where you're at. Is it going to take you to where you want to go? No, no, it's not going to take you to that route. Same thing with life. If we don't know exactly where we're at and we don't know where we want to go, it's hard to hit those goals. Like I said, we might be hitting those goals, some of those goals already and not realizing that.
So when we can actually write it down and visualize it, and see it, it's so much more powerful. So a lot of times clients come just wanting clarity and goals too, right? Wanting some clarity. I'm really confused. I'm going a million miles an hour or I feel stuck.
Brian Harbin: Yeah. You know, it's interesting talking about baseline. I know. Like, and you mentioned Tony Robbins earlier in the. I'm not your guru. I remember one of the things he does such a good job of is, like, breaking down. Like, he's like, do you have a mom issue or a dad issue? Right? And I think so many things can go back to.
And, you know, like, I know when we, when we hire anybody new, we have to go through the Enneagram, which is basically just a personality test to kind of see what's the lens through which you look at the world. Like, what are the habits you form? Because, like you said, you kind of have to establish that baseline.
Elly Liao: Right.
Brian Harbin: Which is so important to build on. But I was curious, too. So you mentioned. So, you know, a lot of, you know, people that come to you or, like, some of these situations, do you feel like they're kind of more professionally felt like they're stuck or confused? Is it more relationships, or can it be just a little bit of everything? I guess. What do you feel are some common challenges that you see a lot of people face that you're able to kind of help coach and guide them through?
Elly Liao: Yeah, it varies, honestly. I mean, I think common things are the goals. Feeling stuck. It could be in relationships. It could be in finances. I've seen them all, I think seen all areas. Sometimes people, typically clients might come to me for one area, and then we might unpack a few other areas just to have fun with it. Right? Or if I just might come up in conversation.
So it might start with one thing, and let's say a client comes to me and goals wise, they want to get better in their finances. But then we ask, well, why? And we unpack that. What's that feeling that they want to create from getting those finances and really trying to see is external or internally focused, because from experience, too, and chasing a lot of things, me personally chasing a lot of things and thinking that things would bring me happiness.
It's important for me to help the clients understand and ask the right questions to get them to see what kind of a picture of why they're getting to their goals, not just getting to their goals. What feeling are they creating or they wanting by getting to that. That goal? And is there other ways to get to that feeling?
Brian Harbin: And what's great about, you know, they're coming to you? It's like they're already coming in with an open mind, saying, hey, I'm stuck. I want somebody to help me. So they're kind of coming in with that growth mindset, whereas I'm sure you get a lot of people that, you know, probably aren't ready for it because they maybe feel like, you know, they're not going to be teachable and coachable and open to some of the things that are going to help them. But I feel like people do have to come to that on their own.
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Brian Harbin: To be able to accept that help.
Elly Liao: And you're right. And I think there's some fear, too. I mean, I think because with any change, when we're in that stuck cycle, it's easy to stay stuck because it's safety. Right? So our mind almost subconsciously says, well, we're safe right here where we're at. Right? There's no, there's nothing dangerous about this situation. But at the core of it, is it getting us closer to who we really want to be and the best version of ourselves, too?
Brian Harbin: Yeah.
Colby Harris: One thing I want to ask you about is with the people that you've worked with and even just in your own conversations, like, you know us and, you know, like, it's awesome knowing so many people, too. Cause it's like, it's so fun to, like, work with clients, but, like, just get so a broad perspective.
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Colby Harris: In your mind, what do you think is, like, the biggest limiting belief that you see that people just naturally usually come into these things with?
Elly Liao: I think there's probably two. There's a fear of failure, and there's this perfectionism I see a lot, and I struggled with it, too. Probably both, actually.
Colby Harris: Super surprising, honestly!
Elly Liao: So I think from knowing that and seeing that in me, experiencing it firsthand, those are some limiting beliefs that it might keep us stuck in certain areas. Right? Because, okay, I do want to start this business. I do want to have a relationship. I do want finances, but I want to make sure it's perfect. I want to make sure all the ducks are in a row before I take that leap. And I think that that's so common.
And then the fear of failure. Like, what if I fail? What are people going to think about me when, if I don't do it right? And so that can kind of be a limiting belief that any sort of different direction is failure. And when we think that, like I mentioned before, I thought I failed in so many instances, and I was so hard on myself in so many instances, whether it be interviews or getting. Just getting that promotion, that money, chasing the money.
And if I didn't get certain things, I would be really hard on myself. But it kept me in this kind of failure, like, that mentality. But if I could look at it and just shift it a little bit. Right? If I could shift that. That thought into a learning instead of a failure. How does that feel? I mean, it just feels different. Like, oh, this isn't failing is learning.
Brian Harbin: Yeah, it's interesting, you know, talking about analogies, always kind of think of it like a crock pot. A lot of times when we're stuck, it's like our mind is like a crock pot, and all we're doing is, like, stewing all these same things in our mind where it's like we're not letting anything in, anything out. It's like we have to break free of that. And I was curious because, I mean, a big part of what you're doing, like, obviously, there's only so much that you can do in a session.
So a big part of what you have to do is help them incorporate these changes into their daily habits. Right? And their mindset, their activity, what they're telling themselves. You know, any key things that you feel like are a good baseline place for people to start to help develop healthier habits or, you know, whether it's journaling or meditating or, you know, writing things down or any little things like that. That you feel like are a good baseline to start with.
Elly Liao: Yeah. No, I definitely, definitely think journaling is a big thing. I mean, if just to kind of. Sometimes our thoughts can be really confusing and just to kind of journal it down, but also utilizing it for gratitude, like, that's. That's something that I work with clients on, too. And like you said, it, over time, it becomes a habit. Right? First change kind of comes with awareness. Right? Awareness that, oh, could I be doing something differently? And then that acknowledgement that, okay, maybe I can change, right? And I should change. And then it's taking that action, though. It's seeing what action that we need to take in order to close that gap a little bit.
So, yeah, I mean, I think gratitude mindset is so important. And when we can kind of prime and train our minds to focus a little more on the positive because our mind is trying, it just keep us safe. Right? So a lot of times, it does look, maybe focus more on the negative, right? But over time, we can change that. We can definitely change that. I mean, I think there were so many times in my life, especially growing up, kind of feeling. Having those negative thoughts and having self doubt and having just self esteem challenges that got in the way.
But, yeah, I think journaling and self love, like, you know, at the core of it, really was helpful in, in my journey. And that's what we work on, too, with, with clients, kind of gauging where they're at and if we can, you know, get it a little bit higher, because self love, self worth, that's an area, too, that I've found from working with clients is that when we can get that area bigger and higher, then every other area just automatically improves, just goes along with it.
Colby Harris: I think one of the, like, misconceptions people have, too, about, like, a coach or even a therapist is they either they'll kind of think one of two ways. They either think this person thinks they know everything and they think they're way better than me, so I'm not going to work with them. Or they think that the flip side, which is, oh, they already have everything together and, you know, whatever.
But I wanted to ask you, like, I've always had a saying through my time here with Brian at grit of, I never want anyone to feel. I never want anyone to feel the way I used to feel. And I want everyone to experience the enjoyment of life that I now get to.
Elly Liao: Oh, I love that!
Colby Harris: That's, like, my – So does that resonate heavily with you, too, as well, of, like, the reason you do this, for anyone listening that wants to be a client, or is a client, like, it's because you know what it's like and you just want to give that back. I mean, it feels good. Like, it's really cool to wake up in the morning and think about ten years ago when you weren't stoked on life, and now it's like, wow, like, how cool is it to be happy in the morning and, like, living my life. I'm assuming that just plays a big part for you.
Elly Liao: It's so, yeah, it's definitely right on point. For me, I think that just being able to do this do wake up, like you said, every morning, and love, absolutely be a nerd and nerd out on what I do because I want to serve them, because I struggled with the same things. Right? It's kind of the same things. Balance, happiness, fulfillment. I struggled with those things. And there's hope, right? There's hope. So I want to give this same hope that I received, too, and that I got when I went through life coaching.
So I think that, yeah, when I think back about my entire life, there's been moments where I wasn't happy, especially growing up, being so insecure and then seeing my family, work hard, which was amazing, just that work ethic. But then being a little bit out of balance and seeing, okay, how can I be a little bit more in balance where I'm not exhausted every day and I can serve the people who I'm with. I can be present with them and give them the best.
But, yeah, there's this, like, there's definitely this sense of purpose. It's definitely. I feel it's part of my purpose to do what I do and help others. And that feels, it's just that feeling that's kind of indescribable. I'm so just grateful to be able to do this. And seeing clients get results is my jam. I used to like skydiving, and I thought that gave me that adrenaline rush, but seeing clients get the results gives me even more of an adrenaline rush. No more skydiving for me.
Brian Harbin: It's being able to see those breakthrough moments.
Elly Liao: Yes.
Brian Harbin: That's really cool! And I know a big part of your initiative is just giving back and, you know, big. I know you're big into giving back to mental health. And what's been fun to see about mental health is just like, it's cool to talk about, you know, goals and struggles and challenges. I mean, I know growing up, it was like, you know, you would, you know, you. You were taught really, through society to not express emotions or bury them. And so now it's becoming more popular, which is great.
So what do you feel like for you is the message that you want people to know about mental health and anything that you're passionate about spreading the word on and getting out your passion for it?
Elly Liao: Yeah, I think since there was – I had struggles, too, with mental health growing up. I mean, I was never diagnosed or anything like that, but I felt sad. I had these moments of kind of, like, challenges. Right? And I think that it can be so fundamental and foundational for us. I think I struggled with it. Some family members struggled with it.
And then one out of five, I think people, yeah, one out of five Americans have a mental health condition. And so it's something that I'm really passionate about, but I also am passionate about. Just like, we are all worth it and you are worth it, and just kind of having that thought and that self worth at the foundation of it helped me get better in my mindset. And so I'm so passionate about that mental health aspect and giving back to local organizations, too.
This year, we chose rethreaded, and they are an organization that's focused on helping survivors of human trafficking. But there's a mental health aspect to that, too, when we get back to mindset and how people can get back into a thriving state. So I think it's something that's near and dear to my heart. And I feel like there isn't as much of a stigma to mental health as there was before. I think it's like more people are starting to talk about it a little bit more and be okay with not being okay.
But I think everybody, majority of people kind of struggle with not feeling. Feeling enough, whether it's not pretty enough, not making enough money, or, you know, not strong enough and just enough being enough and feeling loved. Right? And feeling like, you know, they aren't loved. So I think, really, that has helped me put that in what I do and help show clients and talk through that with clients on that aspect to really create a stronger mindset.
Colby Harris: And what I want to ask you on what you just said there is, you know, where do you draw the line? And to add some context, what I'm saying is, you know, David Goggins, you might be familiar, of course.
Elly Liao: Right.
Colby Harris: He is a line where it's just, it's about callusing the mind. Right. And you have to continuously put yourself in that fire. And he even, I mean, he's clearly, to me, he's not psychotic, but most people would say so. Right. So for young people like myself who are, like, putting themselves in the fire, and then also I've kind of learned it's like, like there's, you know, it's almost like personal developments become this fad where it's also a way of, you know, you can almost take it too far.
Like, it becomes a secondary pressure. Like, you organize your life, but then you realize, well, now I'm so focused on, did I read today? Did I journal today? Did I network today? Did I build the business today? It's like any day that you're not doing that now becomes a problem.
Elly Liao: Yeah.
Colby Harris: Right. So how do you kind of draw the line through this process while people are going through that growth? Almost like you're kind of, um. You're almost mitigating the eventual downfall or, like, recession in their growth. Do you get what I'm saying?
Elly Liao: Yeah. I mean, I think to me, it goes back to self love, too. Like, creating that strong foundation enough where it's not. It's not hitting these goals if we hit them great and, and having a high standard for ourselves, but. But in those moments where we don't hit them, and there is just this crazy day that happens and we can't do an affirmation or we can't journal, or we can't write three things that we're grateful for or say three things that we're grateful for. Giving ourselves Grace. I think Grace is so important, and I've learned to learn that, as well.
But in those moments where we can be so hard on ourselves because we want the best, I think there is a heart at the center of it, the heart that wants to be the best person they can be. But in those moments, when we have that strong foundation and we have that self love inherently, that we're inherently worthy, then when we hit those moments that we don't necessarily, we don't have the ideal day that we dreamt of, then we can give ourselves grace instead of giving ourselves that negative energy, per se.
Brian Harbin: The last question I want to ask is for you personally, how do you protect your own goals and passion and mindset, anything that you feel like for you personally, that you've kind of baked into your routine, mindset, habits, schedule, anything that you do that. That really protects what, you know, helps you be successful and impact other people?
Elly Liao: Yeah. There's a few things. I think the gratitude journal is big for me, and just journaling thoughts, if those come up, too. But also, Bob and I will meditate in the morning, and we'll typically read a page of self development, whether it's daily stoic, sometimes a Jesus calling. And we'll read that page to connect with us and kind of get grounded and centered. So we'll do that meditation, and we'll read and kind of talk about those things. And then at night, we'll typically do something. Not always, but at night, we'll typically do something to kind of connect us back and ground us.
And then during the day, if I'll get up once in a while to kind of take a deep breath and just kind of do some mindset, some thoughts and. And gratitude, too, throughout the day. And. And I think that those kind of help in those moments where it does get busy, right? Well, I think we all get busy in life, and we all. It's hard to slow down, but it's also important. Think about crops, right? Like, crops, when the first person said, hey, like, we're – I'm not. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm not gonna touch this crop for a little bit.
And people thought they were crazy, right? I'm gonna let it rest now. It's a thing, right? You should let crops rest. And same with our – If we have our phones, right? If we have our phones and we don't charge it, what's going to happen?
Colby Harris: Die?
Elly Liao: Yeah. It's not going to have the energy to sustain. So I think it's the same thing with us. We all need to refuel and find ways, so whatever that is, it's different for everybody. Yoga, sometimes I'll do that. There's a body balance or something at the y, so I'll do that. And that meditation. But it's different for everybody.
So finding what fits for you and then if it gets boring down the road. Cause sometimes it might. Finding another route, right. Not just stopping, like, what else can I do? Can I work out? Can I go for a run? Can I dance? Can I dance in my living room? Dance with the kids, dance with friends? Just have fun with the different ways that we're meeting the needs to help center us and get us back to the present moment.
Colby Harris: Yeah, I love that last part. Just talking about kind of switching it up, you know? I mean, like, I've been working out for, like, four years now, and I went and did hot yoga the other day for the first time. Ten out of ten.
Elly Liao: Awesome!
Colby Harris: Oh, loved it! By the time I left, I was like, yeah, I see why so many people come in here and, like, it's so popular. But this has been a ton of fun. I've been over here just like. Like, so comfortable in my seat, too. Like, such a good conversation. I mean, we talked a little bit about, you know, your story and stuff, but I love that we really leaned into just value for the listener today.
So thank you for sharing everything that you did today. As you know, the last question we always ask our guests, oh, quick name drop, too, if you haven't already. You can go listen to Elly’s husband, Bob. Bob Warren. I believe he was – episode somewhere in the 20s. Definitely go listen to that. So I'm sure, as you know, with our great creed, as you saw in Bob's episode, we always wrap up by asking you what part of the great grit resonates most with you and why?
Elly Liao: Oh, there's so much. I will start with that. But two of the things that really stood out to me was, I will try, try and try again. Going back to that roadblock, too, right? A lot of times we think that it's the end when something doesn't work, but thinking, okay, what else can I do? How else can I try? I really, really love that.
And then the other thing is, I am mentally, physically, and emotionally resilient. That's what we help with, in life coaching, too. So I really connect with that, being balanced and not just looking at one area, but multiple areas. How are we emotionally? How are we physically? So just having those phrases, I really thought that those were two key, key phrases. And if we can really have them and just kinda of analyze and think through those and have those for times when we might be going through a challenge, that they will really, really help support us.
Colby Harris: Yeah, I love those as well. I know it's hard to pick one, right?
Elly Liao: It really is.
Colby Harris: I asked before the show, and you said, well, pick two. Is that okay? Yeah, we'll go through the whole thing if you want to. But thank you, Ell, for coming along!
Elly Liao: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
Colby Harris: Just in case anyone does want to get in touch with you, talk to you about coaching, or even just let you know how much they enjoyed the episode, it's einspired e-i-n-s-p-i-r-e-d.com.
Elly Liao: Yes. Yes. Great job!
Colby Harris: Thank you! I kind of read it off the paper. We'll just roll with that.
Elly Liao: Good job!
Colby Harris: So thank you again, Elly!
Elly Liao: Thank you so much!
Colby Harris: You guys heard it right there. Einspired.com. If you would like to get in touch with Elly, I know she's also on LinkedIn as well. Elly Liao Warren. You can find her there. That's a wrap here at the grit.org podcast. Be sure to share this with someone you think would resonate with her impact. Check out our other episodes.
As always, we appreciate you tuning in for another episode of the Grit.org podcast!